On the day of my six month midwife appointment I got to the office early to drink the glucose for my gestational diabetes screening.
I chugged the nasty syrup then proceeded on to my appointment. Our appointment went well and following that I headed to the lab to get blood drawn. They said my results would be back in a day and I anxiously awaited the phone call.
Then I got a little impatient and called the office and then I waited some more to hear the news I was dreading, that I had failed my 1 hour screening.
I knew it shouldn't have come as a surprise that failure was in my future since I was diagnosed with Insulin Resistance when I was 20 but I was so hopeful that the reversal that had happened 3 years later would stick around through my pregnancy. My midwife said that I most likely would have gestational diabetes because I am already predisposed to insulin intolerance but I wanted to badly to have beaten that diagnosis.
When I got the news I couldn't help but cry, and cry some more. I was so disappointed. In myself for not controlling my cravings enough and for my body for not creating the most perfect space for our little baby to grow in. I was frustrated knowing that a year without a kitchen had hurt my body and my health and knowing that I have a month to go before I have a kitchen.
I had made my first mom fail.
As I lay in bed that night crying myself to sleep (what can I say, pregnancy hormones are intense) I told Jus how disappointed in myself I was and that that was the first negative day I had had during my pregnancy.
Jus was very supportive but also very realistic. He reminded me that our midwife said I would most likely have gestational diabetes and that it was an easy fix. I've been working on tweaking my diet to make it healthier. Trying to relax and let go of the stress that is doing nothing for LBL & me.
I'm scheduled to go in for the three hour fasting test Monday and my fingers & toes are crossed hoping that I pass this test an can continue to create a happy place for LBL without worrying about giving into my cravings for watermelon, strawberries & cake.