Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Deciding to Have a Baby

Part 1
Part 2

When we left off it was August, a week or so before my 26th birthday, and I was freaking out about the possibility of having a baby way sooner than originally planned. I was worried that the Behemoth wasn't completed, that Jus & I hadn't been married long enough, and that we were too young to be tied down. There were trips to take, concerts to go to and a lot more alone time to be had before a baby entered the equation.

 While I lost sleep worrying about the fact that my body & struggles with endometriosis were going to throw our entire plan off track. Jus started to get excited about becoming a dad. He dreamed of little league and guitar lessons.

 After many hours crying, talking & laughing we realized that while maybe our life wasn't where we expected it to be when we had kids our life was pretty wonderful. We had stable jobs, a great house and lots of love.

And when we thought about it what difference would a year or two really make? We'd still be Jus and Cole, living in the Behemoth, with no clue how to raise a child.

We agreed that our desire to have children was greater than our desire to wait to have those children. We knew that if we waited and my endometriosis continued to get worse that the likelihood of having any children would go down and in the end that risk wasn't worth it. Jus and I decided to have my Implanon removed early and to try and get pregnant. Worst case scenario we couldn't get pregnant but as least we'd be able to come up with a plan rather than wait another year or two in limbo.

I had my Implanon removed and immediately started charting my temperature, trying to catch my fertile days. My doctor had said that my body would be ready for a normal cycle and I kept my fingers crossed that a pregnancy would happen. Over the next four weeks I took 8 pregnancy tests, all which resulted in negatives. I cried, feeling like a fool for missing my fertile days, worried that the endometriosis had scarred me badly enough that a pregnancy wasn't a possibility for me.

And then, 28 days after my Implanon was removed Jus accused me of being pregnant and to prove him wrong I took the last pregnancy test I had hoarded. I sat in the bathroom waiting for the control line to show up without the positive line. I looked down one last time and lo and behold. My hands were shaking and I started crying.


I had a big reveal planned for the moment I would finally be able to tell Jus but he was in the next room and there was no way I could talk to him without giving it away. I ran to the next room, wrapped up an Eddie Vedder onesie and shoved it in Jus's face without a word. He opened the bag, pulled out the onesie adorned with his favorite musician and said "Oh this is cute...wait, really?"

And in the three months since that day I've realized that we were right to go ahead and try earlier than planned. We still don't have a kitchen, I'll only be 26 when this baby arrives and we need to travel more but the love we have for each other is the place a family begins to grow.

We'll take our children to concerts and let them explore the world alongside of us. We'll get a kitchen eventually because that was the plan all along. But for now we couldn't be happier that this little baby will be turning us from a couple to a family an for all of the adventures that that will bring.

16 comments:

kate said...

love it! it's imperfectly perfect. like life. :)

Sunny said...

Aww so sweet!

Dana Richards said...

I love it :-) so excited for you!!

Clare said...

This whole story was really sweet. Things are working out the way they're supposed to and while having a baby changes your life, I don't think it has to stop it! From how much you already love this little one, I can tell you guys are going to be great parents!

Hannah said...

You seem to be more prepared, at 26, than most people all in their lifetime. You are a wonderful and selfless woman and are going to make the best mom!

(Seriously, travel and concerts - LBL is going to have an awesome childhood!)

aislin said...

your little peanut is lucky to have amazing parents, simple as that. parents who are so so so over the moon to welcome an earlier than expected arrival time. good luck with everything :)

Jessica said...

You're so right that love is where a family grows. Even if you don't have a kitchen and you're only 26, it seems like you and Jus are going to be great parents and your LBL is going to feel so much love!

Layla said...

Life happens while you're busy making plans. :) I've learned that the hard way.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

So I might just have teared up when you described sitting in the bathroom and seeing that second line. I'm so happy for you Cole!

Kristyn said...

That's absolutely wonderful. It seems like you're ready, but I'm sending good luck to you anyways! :)

Anni said...

I am so happy for you two! I absolutely cannot wait to hang out and take some awesome photos together. :) You and Jus are going to be such wonderful parents!

Kira said...

I loved reading your story! It's so cute and so real!

la petite coquine said...

This is so wonderful-there's never a perfect time to do anything expect for when it happens!

Mrs. Pancakes said...

everything happens exactly as it is supposed to! life always happens when we are making plans!

Colleen C said...

We have cousins -- dad is a DJ, mom is his groupie - hehe :) -- they have 3 little kids and they take them to concerts all the time. It might not be the "leave it to beaver" type of family - but those kids are more then loved and wanted and cared for. I know "concerts to go to" was just an example but you will be amazing parents for sure! Congrats!

Tabitha @Glitter & Ganache said...

I LOVE this story! And I love that you were both brave enough to just go for it! From just the few minutes I've spent browsing your blog it seems like your little peanut is gonna have some mighty cool parents! :)

*Also excited to have you join us for handwritten! :) I think there are a few other (almost) new mama writers too! :)