Friday, June 11, 2010

Making Friends

Making friends is something that has become harder to do the older we get.
As children we're thrust into classes with other children our age, we spend at least 8 hours together, learning and playing which leads to play dates and best friends. Some of these friends you'll stay with through middle school and high school and others you don't but new friends from school and other activities will fill in the space.
You graduate high school and go off to college, where you become friends with a whole new group of people. These are people that chose to go to the same school, perhaps because of similar personalities but definitely because you want to be in the same place. You live with your college friends, making trips for late night dinners, drinking too much, and sleeping on each other's sofas.
After graduation you go your separate ways, sometimes moving to the same area, sometimes going to the same graduate school, mostly keeping in touch sporadically.
So here I am, in my middle 20s living in the town I grew up in. All of my high school friends have moved away, I've fallen out of touch with almost all of my college friends and work with a mix of college students and family.
All in all, I'm not in a great situation to make new friends. Jus has some good guy friends that have girlfriends that I can spend time with but don't necessarily connect with. Many times in the past couple of years I've found myself getting very discouraged due to the lack of women my age with similar interests in my area.
Ten months ago I started this little blog and since then I've begun to feel a part of a community. The bloggers I've come into contact with have been caring, had similar interests and are inspiring. In the time since I've started this blog I've felt happy and more comfortable with myself, I don't feel so alone and love getting to know other bloggers.
Unfortunately I don't live close to many bloggers so when it comes time to grab a girlfriend and head to see a chick flick I'm out of luck unless my little sis or BFF Beth are in town.
Last week we had a party and a couple who are friends of friends came. This couple is also engaged, interested in music, and has just moved back here (his hometown) from Nashville and purchased their first home. I've known him since I was 4, always being friendly but never really being friends. His fiance and I had the kind of silly conversation you have after drinking in which you decide to become friends. We've since hung out once at their house and they're coming over for dinner Monday.
Strangely, I feel like I'm getting ready for a date. I want to be myself but I also want to make a great impression. I know that friendships are like relationships in that you can't push anything, but I miss the days of being 6 when you can wrap your arms around someone and declare them to be your best friend after knowing them for an hour.

I feel like as you grow older you become more reliant on your partner and family to entertain you and loose the friendship building skills that flourished when we were kids.
Have you struggled with making new friends as a grown up?

PS Have a happy weekend, lovebugs! We're headed to Chicago to celebrate Jus's brother's birthday with some deep dish pizza.
PPS Don't forget to sign up for the package exchange if you haven't yet!

3 comments:

Cat said...

This is so true. Making friends as an adult can be very difficult sometimes. Work friends sometimes only stay work friends and not people you hang out with on the weekends etc. Being in the military gives me a chance to move every couple years which refreshes the people around me and making it easier to make friends. Although having friends as an adult is more expensive than a kid. Friends want to go out for drinks, movies, dinner, concerts, etc, etc, nobody wants to sit home and play Barbies anymore LOL! I agree since making my blog last year, I feel that I've made new friends and it's great!

xo's
Cat

Rachel Sherrell said...

Oh my gosh, are we the same person? I'm 23, graduated college at 21 and now I feel like college was my last big chance to make lots of friends.

This is exactly how I feel. I feel like I become close friends with whoever I surround myself with day to day but I have a hard time maintaining and keeping touch with old friends. For instance, I have two best girlfriends (one from high school, one from college), but the rest of my close friends are my co-workers. I totally get where you're coming from, and though I don't blog, I love reading all of the amazing blogs out there and relating to people that have similar interests.

Thanks for this post and being so honest. You're not alone!

xo

Rachel

Cheap Wife said...

I really can relate to this....a lot! I feel this shift happening in my life...and in others who are married and/or have a family...towards staying within the home and not reaching out as much. I love being with my hubby but he can't be my everything....and I miss having best friends. I have lost a few friends and it can be hard to make new ones. Plus everyone else seems to be so involved in their "own home" that people don't seem as social. It makes me lonely sometimes.